You Know Whats Bullshit? Shoelaces

What's wrong with them? They're assholes! They always come untied at the most inconvenient moment, like when you're on an escalator or walkin' through a crowded city street. You can double knot 'em, triple knot 'em, quadruple knot 'em, fucktuple knot 'em, whatever. They always find a way to untie themselves. Just to be dicks.

Remember Velcro shoes? Those were awesome because of you didn't have to put up with that shit! Wow. I remember the last time I wore a pair of those, I was in fourth grade. Kids on the school bus would make fun of me because they said I didn't know how to tie my shoes. Well, I knew damn well how to tie my shoes, it's just that I didn't fuckin' feel like having to tie them!

Remember Bow Biters? We should bring those back, too. Or better yet, remember the movie Back to the Future II, the self-lacing Nike shoes? Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about. If the year 2015/2020 comes, and we still don't have those power laces, all I'm gonna say is: That's bullshit.